I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Randomize
