dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
