what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm having to shit out rocks
True college students do jello shots in the library
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
