someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
