I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
