called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
