Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
