You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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