batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
