What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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