I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
