hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
