so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
