I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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