I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
