His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
