Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
