hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
