My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
