remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
