I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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