i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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