I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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