So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
