Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
His nipple licking is glorious
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