Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
