we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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