you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
