Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I intend to get homeless drunk
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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