I just threw up on my dentist
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
