I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
