Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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