When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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