operation harelip BJ is a go
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
