hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
