Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
