I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
