Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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