The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
