Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
