She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
