The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
