Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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