If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
