haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
