the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
