why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
