Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
