Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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