my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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